Some short stories - couldn't help myself…lol
I discovered this style a while back from a fellow writer and just, well, fell in love with it. It's rather fun, plus I love trying to tap into powerful emotions when writing. If you can get your readers to cry, usually, you're a doing a good job. So check this out and tell me if you bust a tear! And of course, constructice critiques are more than welcome!
You Came Back For Me
It’s been forever…it seems. Since I last tasted a mouthful of food, since water last slid down my dry throat. My tongue and lips aren’t even warm enough to melt the snow about my muzzle…now. It’s been so long.
Strange isn’t it? For me to be lying here, eyes foggy and halfway open, staring at the seemingly endless white expanse of what used to be my favorite place. At least, it was…but that was a long time ago. Now I just lay here, exhausted from the lack of food, dying of thirst even though the snow is so close. I don’t even have the strength to wag my tail…anymore. This chain about my neck is so cold…my whole body feels cold. My breath doesn’t even show up in the frigid air, now. I don’t know what’s happening…all I can do is remember.
Remember all the great times I had here, in this place. The love that was shown…at least…sometimes. My master was a busy man, always had been. A worker of the era, constantly away, only having enough time to come out and feed me; and maybe pat me on the head…which was enough for me. I knew he was busy, and didn’t want to get in the way. But then, once a month, he would get his daughter. Obviously he and his mate weren’t on good terms, and so had to share their pup between them. Once a month she would visit, and I remember how kind and caring she had been…
She would always come out to play with me, let me off my chain. She would scratch my belly until my leg kicked. chuckles It was a very happy time in my life. She liked calling me “Blacknose” even though her father constantly insisted my name was Charley, German shepherd mix that I am. She liked calling me Blacknose because, well, my nose and muzzle are all black while my face is a lighter golden color. She told me this many times, stroking and petting my nose as she’d lay with me in the grass.
It only snows in the winter here, while all the other times there would be bright green grass all along the backyard. She would come, and I’d be happy. Then she would leave, and I would whine and whine until my master came out to yell at me… I knew he was busy and had a lot of things to do, so I always kept quiet after that.
But as time wore on, my master’s pup kept coming later and later every month…and sometimes not at all. My master and she would get into huge arguments…and would be yelling at each other very loudly. Then she would storm out and come sit with me, crying sometimes… I don’t know what was happening, but I sat with her. Laying my head on her lap, showing her I was there for her. She would always talk to me, tell me everything that was going on. I learned that her father was very unkind to her mother, and that had been the reason the two had gone their separate ways. She was forced to come see her father, but the only thing she really enjoyed was seeing me. I would wag my tail and nuzzle her gently, and usually she would stop crying and just lay with me.
After a time, she visited once more, and I heard something I never wanted to hear… My master’s daughter came out to see me, but she didn’t look happy or anything. She came towards me, sat down and started talking to me. She told me she and her mother were moving far, far away, and that she wouldn’t be able to come visit me anymore. She told me she didn’t want to be with her father anymore, that she wanted to get away…
The she did the strangest thing, she got up, looked me in my eyes, and started walking away. No! I cried after her, leaping from my chain, barking and whining loudly. Don’t leave me here! Take me with you! I begged… Take me with you…I want to be with you; you who have shown me so much kindness. Don’t leave me here! Please…take me with you…
I whined well into the night that day…but no one answered my cries. I cried for a long time, laying still and lifeless, staring at the door in which she had left. My master didn’t come out to feed me that night, nor the next day, nor the next day… After two weeks of being chained to the pole outside…I figured he wasn’t ever coming back…that he left me. Because his daughter had left him…
So I sit here now, staring at that door, the door in which she left that day long ago. It’s been a long while now. I’ve survived by eating the grass around my pole, and from melting the snow in my mouth. But like I said, my mouth isn’t warm enough to melt the snow…anymore. And there is no more grass to eat.
I’ve paced this circle, many times, and kept my eyes on the door. But…no one ever came for me…no one, came to feed me or give me a blanket for the cold…
So I’m just lying here now, too weak to move, too cold to feel. The snow seems to be dulling my senses because, I can’t feel my paws…anymore. My nose is like ice, and my eyes are so foggy…I can hardly see the door. I whine softly as I lay there, even my whines are weak…I can hardly hear them. It starts to snow again, and this time, I’m not strong enough to get up and shake it from my body. I have no will to stand or do anything…I’m too cold. I can’t even feel the snow touch me, I must be sleeping… Even though my eyes are half open…I must be sleeping…
But I can’t feel anymore. My breathing stops, I can tell because I don’t feel my chest rising and falling like it should. I get very weak, my eyes start to cloud over. I don’t know what’s happening…
Then I saw it. For a moment, I saw it. The door that I had been watching all this time flung open, and I can see my master’s daughter running towards me, crying. For a moment, my breathing starts again, and my eyes open all the way. She runs towards me and kneels to the ground, brushing the snow from my cold body. Weakly, and with every ounce of strength I have left I wag my tail and smile. You came back for me…I whined. She cried and knelt over me, hugging me tightly. I can hear and feel her sobs. She says she’s sorry, that she should’ve taken me with her. But it’s okay…I think. It’s alright, you didn’t leave me, you came back. With one last whine I feel my breathing stop again, and my body gets very cold. The last thing I can hear is her sobs and her apologies. But it’s okay, I tell her as my eyes close for the final time…
You came back for me…
DA link is here: http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/40172786/?qo=17&q=by%3Akeira-blacktalon+in%3Aliterature&qh=sort%3Atime+-in%3Ascraps if you wanna' spare me the pageview. lol
Pathogen last edited by
That is very sad.
I didn't cry though. Guy that I am, I don't cry easily.
CyberStormAlpha last edited by
chuckles It's okay to admit it, Snag…
Seriously, though, it is a rather sad story... Poor doggie... tear
Cool, glad I got some positive feedback. Here's another for ye:
You and Me
It’s always been just you…and me, hasn’t it? Through many summers, springs, autumns and winters…it’s always been just you…and me. Those valleys, the mountains, the rivers and forests…through famines and feasts, good friends and long battles…it’s always been just you…and me.
When the storm hit last winter, and half our pack was killed, we were both their, and survived because of each other. When the caribou were scarce, and all we could manage was a snowshoe between either of us, it was just you and me, and we made it.
Through hard times, and easy times. Through nephews and nieces. Through leaders and followers…loyal and corrupt. Through it all, we survived the longest, and we will be together forever, won’t we?
What about when you injured your paw? I remember that well… I hid you in a den we claimed from a bobcat, and kept coming back with bits and pieces of things I’d managed to catch; and nursed you back to health, ‘til you could run with me again.
And run we did, always on the move; following the herds and our pack all across this cold expanse. And we survived, you and me, we survived through it all. Even after the cougar attack, after the great hunger when the caribou disappeared, and now, in this endless storm of snow. We are survivors, and it’s always been you…and me.
Now time is gone, are pack is all dead, and all we have is each other. Grey is our fur now, and cold are our bones. Tired of running, tired of surviving, tired of this harsh world. We have proven our strength, and we have remained together through it all, you…and me.
It was a shame…that we never had pups of our own. What a joy that would’ve been. We should’ve left when Aroq said we could, to form our own pack and be allies. Have our own children and raise them to be survivors, as we had been.
But we were timid…happy with Aroq’s leading, happy with his strength. I only wish we would’ve accepted his offer…then we would have our pups to think of. The cougar would not have killed so many, we could’ve spread out further to elude the famine, and we could’ve huddled together for warmth in such storms as this.
But like it’s always been…it’s just you…and me. And now we are old, unable to move in this frigid cold, and breathing our last breaths. I can only thank the wild and whatever force it is that watches over us, for being as kind as they were to let us be together when it happened. We have so many memories, you and I. And as it has always been, it will always be, you…and me.
Even as our life seeps from us now, our age catching up, and our hunger weakening us, we are together. Always and forever together through every day and life we shall see. We are eternal within each other, our souls bound as one through the ritual of life. Perhaps, in another life, we will have our own pack, and our own pups. We would not be so foolish to pass up such an opportunity twice…
But here we are, fading slowly, our breath shortening into slow gasps; our chests rising and falling quickly with ragged breath. Our bodies cold from the thickening snow as we lay here, your head on me, my head on you… And here we are, you…and me, like always.
I have only enough strength to lick the corner of your mouth weakly, even this requires all my power. I see you turn to me, and smile faintly. It makes me smile, knowing that you are happy, thankful you do not regret out lives together. I, am thankful I have always had you, as I’m sure you’re thankful for me.
We will always be one, and it will always be this way, you…and me, together in this huge world we could only hope to see. And when we are reborn, as is our nature to be, I will look up to those stars and that large white moon, and I shall remember you. I will seek you out, and I will find you, as I’m sure you’ll find me. It is our destiny, after all, to be together. We both know this, and revel in the knowledge we will see each other again. With a new age, a new time, and new chances for a new life.
When I find you, I will embrace you, as I have embraced you this whole lifetime. I will hear your howls over even the farthest countryside, and I will come to you. Look to the moon, and let it guide you to me.
I feel my breath stopping now, and I see your eyes are already closed, your breathing having stopped long ago. I lick your muzzle one last time, nestling close to you, feeling the rigid cold of your body, the snow stacking in piles about us as we lay motionless aside each other. Wait for me…I whisper to you. Wait for me, I am coming… Because it will always be you…and me. Forever and always through these cold nights and bright days…
You and me.
Pathogen last edited by
Yah, I notice a distinct style between the two shorts. You definitely like the first person present with flashbacks, and it almost has a song-like chorus-like repetition. Very nice. It makes for some dramatic writing. I like it.
ya I agree totaly
I fell in love with the style, it makes it so you can really tap into the emotions. I've got more, but…I don't wanna' flood the place. XD lol
I don't like peoples or stories whitch give soooo much detal
I know whatcha' mean. One of the reasons I can't read Anne Rice anymore. And never could get into Stephen King.
neither can I!!!!
Creigon Quall last edited by
Hey I can post a teaser for the story I am writing. Here it goes. this is the prologue
Lightning flashes daced across the sky iluminating three solem figures. Two blazing red eyes beamed on them from over 1/2 a mile away. Unseen by its victoms it watched, shifting its wieght now and then in its little over hang it had chosen to hide from the consuming electricity. The Mordrin was hunting the druid. A bolt of lightning seized a tree on the plains and split it with a loud crackle raising fire for a second or two before being extinguished by the soaking rain. The creature of death watched withe excitment, waiting for the rolling thunder to move on. The Mordrin was hunting the druid.
The mis-formed creature, brought back to life with forbidden arts, waited with suprising paticence until the main of the storm moved on. Dawn was beginning to show on the horizion so HE couldn't wait any longer. Grasping its oppertunity, the creature launched itself from the massive cliff jutting towards the sky. Gaining lost distence, he speed through the sky . Nearing the tree wanderers three was a streem of green light…....
Gaharen was hunting the druid......
:*) critique as you wish
Lightning flashes danced across the sky, illuminating three solemn figures. Two blazing red eyes gazed towards them from over half a mile away. Unseen by its victims it watched, shifting its weight now and then as it crouched in a small over hang it had chosen to hide from the imposing electricity.
The Mordrin was hunting the druid.
A bolt of lightning seized a tree on the plains and split it with a loud crackle, raising fire for a second or two before being extinguished by the soaking rain. The creature of death watched with excitement, waiting for the rolling thunder to move on.
The Mordrin was hunting the druid.
The malformed creature, brought back to life with forbidden arts, waited with surprising patience until the brunt of the storm moved on. Dawn was beginning to show on the horizon, so HE couldn't wait any longer. Grasping its opportunity, the creature launched itself from the massive cliff jutting towards the sky. Gaining lost distance, he sped through the sky . Nearing the three wanderers there was a beam of green light…
Gaharen was hunting the druid…
Okay…I think I got 'em all. If not, someone else feel free to edit my editing. XD
Good job Vardon, just look out for places that need commas and use that spell checker as often as possible.
EDIT: And remember! There ain't nothin' a semi-colon can't fix! XD, When you can't use a comma, pop in a semi-colon. And try to vary the words you use to describe scenes. At the end there, you use sky twice in two connecting sentences. Try to switch one out and use a synonym instead.
This is amazing! So many people sharing their writings! I'm glad too. I'm writing a novel, but some of what's in it, some of you would probably disagree with.
lol, That depends, Brome. I happen to write a few things on the cusp, and much of it, I wouldn't share just for that reason. XD lol, If nothing else, I like to think I'm open-minded, especially when it comes to creative writing.
Well, if I did post it here, it would take up…...30+ pages.
noddes more like 100
Yeah, you're probably right TJ. It would end up really long, since my mom has me do it for school to motivate me.
Creigon Quall last edited by
You home schooled???? 8/
are you home schooled…I'm not