Redwall Champion

  • ooc- Yeah, it's a long post, but read all of it if you are going to reaad any of it please, because all of it is  important.

    I will start with a chara and write some to give this a little momentum and then I want everyone to post ooc to decide and made suggestions on what will happen. I want this to be the coolest thread ever. 🙂
        After fifteen posts of people making story suggestions, I get back on, make a decision on what we'll do and then we'll post like crazy. If there are more than fifteen when I next get on, then so be it. Make suggestions until I tell you to stop. Also, we need to begin with an ending in mind. I will hop in ooc every once in a while to make sure the thread is heading towards a definitive end, so don't get upset if I cut something short and ask us to move on.
        (Note: This scene is taking Place in Castle Floret)

    Ten Years ago…

    "What is your name?"
        The young squirrel blinked silently and looked up into the crowd of faces curiously. He tilted his head slightly to one side as though he did not understand. He was hardly more than a dibbun, but surely he should be able to speak.
        "Where did you come from?" The consul asked. "Do you understand?"
        The squirrel-child seemed bored by the question and turned to look out the window again. The light crossed his soft red fur, giving it a golden tint. Sitting in the window seat backed by soft white sandstone and staring out over Southsward, he looked almost as though he had stepped out of a painting. His soft blue eyes were innocent and curious, wise and strange.
        The only thing that made the painting imperfect was the garb he wore. It was a tattered leather tunic, or something vaguely resembling a tunic. It could have been the dress of a traveler's son, or perhaps the garb of a nomadic tribe, but it was impossible to tell. No one had ever seen any kind of clothing such as that.
        The consul sighed with something akin to frustration. "Perhaps he is deaf or cannot understand. Whichever it is, I do not know." He turned to the guard. "Jaguarl, where did you find him, again?"
        The lean otter shrugged. "As I told you before, he was found sitting on the doorstep outside the Council room. He was left there by someone early this morning. He was asleep and wrapped in a tattered blanket. He was  shivering in his sleep because of the cold."
        The consul lead him away from the squirrel and dismissed the other three guards with a wave of his hands. "Thank you. Leave us now please."
        When they were gone, the ancient mouse pulled Jaguarl into the nearest room and half-shut the door, the child still barely visible through the gap, but out of earshot. "Please Jaguarl. Tell me someone saw who left the child there. How could anyone sneak past four active patrols?"
        Jaguarl  shrugged again. "I have no idea. They must have been both very lucky and very skilled."
        As they conversed, a door from down the hall opened partway and a quiet figure stole silently inside. Avrial was a reverent sort in quiet halls. To speak in the early-morning hours felt almost like shattering glass in a church. She was lean and young, so her paws could hardly be heard on the red velvety carpet stretched down the middle of the white marble floor. The golden light from the glass windows all down the hall fell over the carpet and the creamy smooth sandstone glowed white. It was a beautiful morning.
        Halfway down the hall, she noticed the squirrel sitting alone on the seat in the window niche. She stopped just outside the pool of sunshine and stared at him in wonder. He was young, about her age, but he was nothing like anyone she had ever seen.  Princesses rarely saw anyone but soldiers and consuls. And though there were many squirrels in Floret, she had never met one her own age.
        He was staring out onto the trim green lawns where gardeners were working and watched the clouds roll past the northern mountains in the distance.
        "Boy," Avrial said simply, curious.
        The squirrel turned and saw her for the first time. She was dressed in a white lace dress and her short gold fur glowed as she stepped into the sun. He turned from her and stared into the room, where Jaguarl and Darius were conversing.
        "Boy," Avrial said again. "What is your name?"
        The stranger looked back at her with the the same somber and curious expression as before and locked eyes with her.
        "Kaada," he said. "My name is Kaada..."

    *                                            *                                            *

  • OOC: I'll edit this post, but do you want my post to still be 10 years before, or the present?

  • ooc- It would be in the present, but we can't quite post yet. We need to develop a story around the concept. Once there have been fifteen story suggestions or more, I'll make a decision on what will happen and then we will start posting.

  • ooc- Oh! I see what you mean! Hmm…what could happen...Well, I was thinking that maybe the Fort goes under attack in the present, and the princess gets kidnapped. And Kaada with a group of others must go out and find her, but as a decoy, the fort goes under attack again and the villians prevail for the time being, or something like that, I guess.

  • That's cool. 🙂
        What about Kaada? Who's Kaada going to be? I guess I had some funny idea that he might be some long-lost royalty or something. The Consul is bothered by the presense of the stranger, as though he might know who he is. I really have no idea what's going on, so it's as much of a puzzle to me as anyone else. I just sort of wrote it and left tons of loose ends for you guys to tie up.
        At the same time, we have to explain who left him there and why they left him. It could have to do with the attack on Floret that you're suggesting.
        (I don't want to make specific suggestions because I'd rather be impartial when it comes to picking a storyline)

  • ooc-    OK… Maybe not... This isn't working...
        Then let me make things interesting. I will throw in this tidbit of the storyline here:
        Kaada is going to be the future Champion of Redwall Abbey. We've never had one because we have always been waiting to finish a "Great War" or something. However, at the end of this story, whomever is voted by the RPers in this thread to have been the best and most active writer will get to keep the Chara of Kaada and be Redwall Champion. They make a different character though, if they prefer.
        Fair enough? 😉
        Let's get it going with a new post using some of Lagg's idea. Let's take it down to five story suggestions. At the end of those five (or more), we will start RPing.
        If you aren't sure what is going on here, just let me know!

    bic- In the Present…

    Kaada wandered amidst the bodies of the dead and dying, passing those applying bandages and preparing the dead for burial. He knew they would not all be buried these were only those who were left. These were the those who were lucky enough to live long enough to rally to their commander, Jaguarl. They would be buried individually in honor of the rest, who could not receive the same treatment.
        It was nighttime in Floret. The moon was rising between the clouds of a starless and cloudy night. The gray moonlight rimmed the clouds in a musty, gloomy color. The undersides of the low-lying clouds were tinted red with the light of fires.
        Kaada ducked beneath the boughs of an ancient oak which had been dead for many years now. Sitting at the base of the tree, wrapped in bandages and wincing every time he breathed, was Jaguarl. Or, at least, what was left of him.
        He looked up at Kaada as he entered the semi-private space. The expression on his face was both bitter with grief and filled with hopeful pleading. "Please, Kaada. Tell me that Floret is safe."
        Kaada did not reply. He expressed in a single look what could not have been said in a thousand words. The hopelessness that was written there was frightening. Jagual had never seen Kaada look that way. The usual fire in his eyes was doused by an icy cold and the thoughtful and attentive expression gave way to a silent, burning fury.
        "Let me see." Jaguarl ordered and proceeded to stand up, despite his wounds there was no one there to stop him except Kaada, who would not.
        "Yes, sir." The squirrel soldier placed a comforting and supportive paw around the General's shoulders and took to warrior's weight. The two of them limped out of the cover of the trees and up a small rise. It was the peak of their rocky hill, where they had been hiding since the attack had ended.
        "We're almost there..." said Kaada when he saw that the old otter warrior was struggling. He then lifted his friend's paw over his shoulders and hoisted him up higher to relieve some of the weight from Jaguar's paws.
        As they came to the top of the rise, they could see the bellies of the clouds were a deep, sickening red. Beneath them, standing on the hill where there home had been, Castle Floret was in flames. The tall flames wreathed the castle , towers and villages in a crown of brilliant light. The woods and everything for miles around was laid to utter destruction and was smoldering the same blood red color as the dying heart of their kingdom.
        It was heart wrenching. Kaada was not one who often showed emotion and had never shed a tear in his life until this moment. Now he was speechless with grief. Now the lump rose to his throat and there was a painful  clenching in his chest. A single tear rolled down his face. Then another.
        Jaguarl was crying as well. "They're gone. All of them are gone. Floret is destroyed." He turned to Kaada and struggled to speak through his tears. "I'm sorry, Kaada. I'm so sorry about Avrial."
        Kaada stared into the flames unable to tear his eyes away. They both stood like that for some time.

    Kaada laid Jaguarl down to rest again in his seat beneath the tree. Jaguarl looked him in the eyes and clasped his paw fervently. "We will build it again, young warrior. We will take Floret again with our score of soldiers and take Floret. We will will build it again, Kaada. I know that it is gone, but from the ashes we will rebuild our Floret." Kaada smiled back at him, but it was a forced and broken smile. Who could rebuild something so grand from nothing at all?
        Jaguarl never lived to see his dream fulfilled. He died during the night and, with no other place to put him to rest, he was buried in his spot under the oak tree.

  • I have an idea. trembles in excitement I've been meaning to introduce my squirrels… 😄

    I'm thinking, they can run into a patrol or something like that, after the second time they couldn't take Floret back, and the patrol sends a big army or something, then after regaining Floret, he and his warriors go out and rescue the princess from a tower somewhere and have to fight the evil guy (who Kaada kills) and then he falls in love with the princess.....

    Happy ending anyone?

  • OOC: This is awesome! Love it love it! OK I got an idea. So far things have taken the normal; Good guy gets raised with girl he's going to marry, bad guy comes kills everyone and takes girl captive. Good guy rescues girl and kills bad guy, Guy and girl get married and live happily ever after.

    So… Lets make this thing not normal. Say, girl gets killed after all and good guy (Kaada) meets someone else whom he marries? Of course he gathers any army and takes back Floret first, but then… He could meet Her in Redwall, where he goes to get away from the memories and all that sort of thing. After which he gets made Addey Champion.

    So what do you thing about that?

  • Well, Avrial was introduced and it would be nonsense to not have her involved in the story somehow. Does somebody want to RP her?
        This is all great :), but the story needs to be a little less two-dimensional. What's happening in the meantime? (Maybe a character kept as a slave inside Floret) Who's Kaada? What are shocking revelations that could be made about the characters? (Like the lineage or loyalty of characters).
        This is cool, but a little under-developed. Besides, there are only like, twenty soldiers or something that escaped with him, so they can't take back Floret themselves yet. BTW, I doubt Kaada would just run to Redwall and ask for help, so he probably needs to just sort of end up there somehow (gets lost or is found injured and taken there).

  • Why not have a few helpful mercenaries? Beasts who, for one reason or another, wish to help? Perhaps, this could be the subplot? Betrayal and treachery within ranks, a test of loyalty and survival, with just a touch of paranoia.
    After all, few Redwall RPs have much in the way of worrying who your allies are, but here, we could explore what happens when the line between goodbeast and villain is difficult to see.

  • Cool, I like it. What are the specific circumstances though? I think it would be neat if the mercenaries would not be vermin, but still be RPed in such a way that people question their allegiance. Show me what you can come up with, Prestor.

  • I think the beasts under the banner of St. Krois would be the best choice. It is rare to hear of knights nowadays, and I think a real historical derivative should be interesting.
    No one knows who St. Krois was, but his symbol survives to this day, a ragged crimson scroll, in which the complete plans for Floret were drawn in black ink. Perhaps, Krois was an outcast from Floret, or he was once its lord, but the Order of St. Krois believe he was a warlord that planned a great invasion to take place in the future, to protect other beasts from "Floret's Corruption By Vermin".
    Lately, the Order has been gathering strength, pressing beasts into service and demanding food and weapons from settlements it "protects". Indeed, while most of the beasts in the Order of St. Krois swear to defend others, their open hatred of vermin, be they good or evil, and their demands of repayment, which have grown since the Order claimed its territory, inspire little trust in the "knightly bandits".  When its leader, a giant badger general heard of the trouble in Floret, he offered Floret assistence, claiming what the disaster the St. Krois prophecy foretold has taken place, and unless his Order helps, all woodlanders will suffer. Plying the heroes with words of peace and the dangers that may come upon them should they refuse his help, the general proposes to send some of his noble beasts to aid and protect.
    The question is, how corrupt has the Order of St. Krois grown? Are they little more than a band of killers looking to take over Floret for themselves, or are there good beasts among them? Is their rabid hatred of vermin hiding some horrible truth about their practices? Could they be worse than the villain apparent? Despite these questions, it's not as if anybeast has a choice but to accept their help–the Order has the weapons and the beasts to take on any horde, and many beasts serving under the strange badger believe they are doing a good deed, it seems, in helping the heroes.
    Whatcha think? Kind of on the fly, but hope it's ok.

  • This is really awesome. Thanks Preston.
        OK, guys. We need one more suggestion to start. Who is Kaada? That's really bugging me. He is a really strange character that nobody knows about. He should be really important to the story somehow.

  • OK… So Kaada could turn out to be the heir to Floret, if he does how will he find out? You guys remember The Bellmaker right? If so then you'll also remember Egbert the Scholar. Say that Kaada stumbles on the entrance of one of Egbert's tunnels. Kaada doesn't know this of course but he will soon. Egberet is dead of course but his descendants still used to live there before the invasion. So Kaada is wandering around these old tunnels when he finds himself in a library. He starts glancing at the scrolls and books on the shelves when suddenly, one scroll catches his eye of no apparent reason. He picks it up and starts reading, it goes something like this:

    This morning it was discovered that Shara, the Queen's sister had disappeared! The castle is in an uproar and search parties have been out since the discovery was made. But there isn't much hope of finding her I'm afraid. It is my opinion that she was kidnapped and if so there is not much hope of seeing her alive again.

    Eglbart great great grandson of Egbert the Scholar            5/7/58

    And under this scroll is another going something like this:

    I had a strange visit last night. I was awakened to the sound of a paw tapping on the door to my living quarters. I got up and opened it to see what creature would be out at this time of night. There standing in the doorway, was a middle aged squirrel lady carrying a bundle. She asked if she could come in and of course I said yes. She said she needed to get into the castle to deliver her bundle, but that she didn't want anyone to know. So I showed her a passage into Floret and she left the bundle and made me promise not to tell anyone about it. Then she left. This morning a young squirrel boy was found in the castle and I know now what she was carrying. It was strange, but she never told me her name. She somehow looked familiar. As if I knew her, but didn't.

    Eglbart great great grandson of Egbert the Scholar    9/2/68

    So that's sort of what I was thinking. It's a kind of ruff draft. So Shara was kidnapped and then got away from her captors ten years later to take her son to Floret. But she didn't tell anyone who he was for fear her kidnappers would find out and try to kill him. So now with everyone else dead he will become King, if they can rebuild Floret. So how's that for an idea?

  • "Bump" For you Seth.

  • ooc- Sorry. Been a while 😕

    So, here's what I've come up with using what we have. Just let me know if there is anything you guys still want to change:

    Kaada parts ways with half of his remaining company, which finds Krois. After Kaada leaves, his half gets ambushed by the operatives of Krios. (partly to be rid of Kaada, who may be an hier and partly because he doesn't want future opposition from outsiders) Kaada doesn't know that it was Krois, btw.

    Kaada is badly injured, but lives. He is taken in by traveling gypsies. One eldery squirrel takes particular notice of him and at some point reveals that she was the wife of the previous prince of Floret, but was sent away when the prince found out about traitors living within floret who planned to sell the throne to vermin. She had gave birth to Kaada outside of Floret just before Floret began to fall. She left him with a trinket that would identify him, but he keeps it secret because it is personal to him and does not recognize it's significance.

    The prince dies and the brother begins trying to take over. The mother takes Kaada to Floret during a brief time of peace so that there would be an heir to the throne and so that the fighting could stop permanently.

    In the end, the brother cannot have the throne and so joins that order of Krios, who is selling the throne to vermin. The idea is that Krios has is that when the vermin take over, they will still be weak and Krios would still have operatives within the walls of the castle, so that he himself can take over.

    Arvial is kept alive and imprisoned by the vermin lord, to keep the royal blood alive, because it could potentially prove valuable.

    At some point, Eglbart will come into the story and Kaada will realize his lineage, after which the mother reveals hers. The trinket is used to prove he is heir.

    We can work out more deatils as we go along. About the time we reach that point in the story, I'll work out a body and a climax.

    I think a slave chara would also be very interesting. Maybe he could meet Elgbert first on his escape out of Floret and use the tunnels again to get Kaada inside. That could be when Elgbert and Kaada meet each other.
        The slave could also provide us with a setting for inside the castle and a potential war hero.
        I nominate Sparhawk 🙂

  • Hullo? Any feedback? Anybody?

  • Oh, sorry dude! Internets been down for a couple days. 😞 Anyway, looks good! Thanks for your vote of confidence there 😛 do I need to make up a character for the slave? When does the action start?

  • :)The action start whenever you post. And no, I don't think you'll need a character profile, but yeah, you'll need a a new chara.
        I've already put up to posts for Kaada, but that's it. Do you think we should shift the RP to a new location or keep it here?

  • I think we should start a new topic that says… "Redwall Champion (The RP)" or something like that. So Kaada is the future champ, right? And how does that work? Does whoever does the best in this thread get to be Champion using Kaada?

    So I'm thinking, this could be our discussion thread to decide what happens next if you want.

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