I've (finally) decided to introduce Kale; he's a young mouse from Riftgard who loves swords. He loves to practice with a shortsword every day, sometimes making his own swordplay moves. A few beasts have tried to best him, but none have won so far. His parents were murdered during an onshore pirate attack, and he was the only survivor; he doesn't usually talk about it.
He's visited Redwall Abbey a few times (he travels most of the season), and he loves the food so much he's actually overeaten sometimes (but then again, who wouldn't love it? XD). He's able to trick any vermin into giving up most (or all) of their food and escaping with it (kinda like Bragoon and Sarobando, I guess). I'm doing a story right now with him in it, and it's kinda based on Triss, but it's just a fanfic. I'm gonna put it up here when it's about 1/4 done.
Felldoh_Fighter last edited by
Oh my, I once had a squirrel named Kale XD
Your character is cool.
smiles Thanks! scratches back of his head I tried making a story last year, but I only made it to about…9 pages. I've got over twice that many now; I'm kinda stuck on it, though... Here's part of it. Tell me wat you think:
- It was late evening when the young mouse awoke again. He didn't know whether it was his rumbling stomach or the noise downstairs that awakened him. He sat slowly up, then looked around. What was this place? Was he past the Dark Forest gates? But then, if he was hungry, he must still be alive. He decided to take a look around. -
Seth last edited by
Its good, but I recognize this as a dangerous place for a writer:
Now is a good time to question every movement and decision your characters make. Why does he get up to look around? Is he in pain? Should other characters be nearby? In not, why not? You don't have to write all these answers, but you have to know them.
Sure, it takes time, but take it from me: if you don't do it things get really messy really fast.
Still, this is really good and you don't show any signs of this problem, but I wanted to warn you anyway. I've written similar passages and ended up throwing them out several times…
Also, if you ask these questions, they will also help you move forward. Sometimes too quickly to write down, in fact.
gets hit with realization Hey, good idea, Seth! Thanks! I'll try it out!^^
Creigon Quall last edited by
Hey, you can try drawing Kale in the new contest. Give you something new to do…
tessa last edited by
You should! I like the name Kale….Mine is Tessa and Jessie. aka TJ the warriors.
Great post seth! I"ll try it to0.
CyberStormAlpha last edited by
I think you ought to put more into developing the character than what you have presently. Sure, it's a start, but you've not yet passed the mark where it won't slide into the 'Mary-Sue' area.