The marvellous adventures of a couple of schmucks

The Marvelous Adventures of a Couple of Schmucks
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Welcome to the world of Redwall! You're adventure is about to begin. But first, who are YOU?

_

OOC: Name your character and your class. Classes can be anything fantasy related. Afterwards, I'll give you three items and begin the quest.

Name select-
Righteous Indignation (first two words my auto-sentence maker on my phone came up with.  🐵
Class Select-
Heavy Bowman (Mixed paladin/ranger)
Personality-
Cocky
Description-
6'5" tall, short crew-cut hair, green eyes
Possessions-
At this point only the clothes on his back

Zach

Righteous Indignation has been given BOW OF WINDY AIR QUIVER OF MAGIC and PRETTY COOL ARMOR
BOW OF WINDY AIR- Bow with one of those little twirly things that move when you blow on them on the ends. Makes arrows go faster
QUIVER OF MAGIC- Quiver that can make any type of arrow you can think of appear
PRETTY COOL ARMOR- Nice looking armor. Has no other effect
–---------------
LEVEL 1
Redwall Abbey
What shall you do?

_

Righteous Indignation equips Bow of Windy Air, Quiver of Magic, and Pretty Cool Armor and a pompous attitude, and looks from the left to the right to gain his bearings and see where the heck he is.

Zach

You are in REDWALL
There is an IMPORTANT LOOKING SQUIRREL DUDE to the south, near the gates
There is also an OLD BUT PROBABLY WISE MOUSE to the north, sitting next to the entrance to the Abbey
Around you are some GENERIC NON-PLAYER CREATURES that either STUFF THEIR FACES, laugh at DUMB JOKES, or generally CHAT

Alright. Righteous Indignation walks well, righteously, towards the Important Looking Squirrel Dude at the South Gate.

Zach

You look like a TOTAL DORK walking in your full suit of PRETTY COOL ARMOR, but the IMPORTANT LOOKING SQUIRREL DUDE takes your righteous clanking as a sign that you are in search of a QUEST
"I take your righteous clanking as a sign that you are in search of a QUEST." He says, "Well, we have a bit of a RAT INFESTATION in the BASEMENT, which means that ME and OL' SHAGPINE can't get to our latest BLACKBERRY BREW. I'll give you a REWARD if you can give me TEN RAT HATS."
NEW QUEST: The quest where you have to slay rats (0/11)
Where shall you go now?

_

OOC: To anyone else who may read this, it's wide open for you to join in.

Righteous Indignation accepts the quest, and heads towards the rat-infested basement while drawing his BOW OF WINDY AIR and conjuring up a DEUS EX MACHINA ARROW.

(OOC: I suppose the arrow type is acceptable, correct? By the way, color.)

Zach

You enter the BASEMENT, with your BOW OF WINDY AIR at the ready.
Suddenly, two rats attack you, one armed with a POINTY BUTTER KNIFE and the other armed with THE STEIN OF DOOM. They are both wearing VERY FANCY RAT HATS
You fire your DEUS EX MACHINA ARROW at the closest rat, who promptly stops existing. Unfortunately, though, his RAT HAT stops existing as well.
"YOU UNEXISTIFIED GROODLE YOU MONSTAH!" The second rat, armed with his STEIN OF DOOM attacks. He hits you on the head, which smarts.
YOU HAVE TAKEN ONE (1) DAMAGE

Alright, Righteous Indignation (Otherwise known as I or Me from this point on) conjures an ARROW OF PENULTIMATE DESTRUCTION WITH THE SLIGHT EXCEPTION OF THE HAT from my QUIVER OF MAGIC and rub my hand against my aching skull from the STEIN OF DOOM.

(OOC: For some strange reason I imagined the stein of doom as being a Stein Mart)

Zach

You rub your head as you fire the ARROW OF PDWTSEOTH at the rat, who takes 19.9999999999 damage
As it is an ARROW OF PENULTIMATE DESTRUCTION, it does not kill the rat, leaving him on the ground in agony. You take his RAT HAT and go deeper into the basement. Only a few steps later, you are ambushed by three dastardly rats, all of them holding SHARP AND FANCY KNIVES and twirling their MUSTACHES OF EVIL. These are no ordinary rats. These are DASTARDLY SCHEMING RATS OF EVIL.
NEW ABILITY-GHOST ARM: As long as you don't think about it, you have a third arm. Reading this has made you think about it, so tough luck.
QUEST: TQWYHTSR (1/11)

I draw from my QUIVER OF MAGIC an ARROW OF INFINITE NUMBER OF FRIENDLY YET RABID BUNNIES while devoting all of my thoughts at marveling the sheer fanciness of the MUSTACHES OF EVIL.

Zach

The DASTARDLY SCHEMING RATS OF EVIL twirl their MUSTACHES OF EVIL faster and faster, almost hypnotizing you. "HON HON HON," one says, "DROP ZE ARROH ORR WE VILL CUT YOO OHPEN!"
You drop the ARROW OF INOFYRB to the ground, but your GHOST ARM draws an ANTI-MUSTACHE ARROW.
Without warning, the arrow pierces the FRENCH DSROE's lip, disintegrating his wonderful curls.
"MY WORD! THIS RAPSCALLION HAS SHAVED JEAN'S CURLS! ALRIGHTY THEN! LET'S SETTLE THIS LIKE GENTLEMEN!
The ENGLISH and SPANISH DSROE charge, knives at the ready.
You can grab the ARROW OF INOFYRB or pull a NEW ARROW.

I decide to draw a new arrow from my QUIVER OF MAGIC, a GENTLEMAN'S ARROW OF BRUTALLY SLOW RIDICULE WHICH WILL EITHER RESULT IN INSANITY OR DEATH BY BUNNIES, NOTWITHSTANDING THE AVAILABILITY OF CARROTS.

Zach

The GENTLEMAN'S ARROW OF BSRWWERIIODBBNTAOC pierces the SPANISH DASTARDLY SCHEMING RAT, and a VERY POSH BUNNY bursts out from the wound, delivering a CRITICAL CRITICISM on the unposh clothes of the now-dead rat.

As an aside, may I add the VERY POSH BUNNY to my inventory?

I conjure up another arrow, an ARROW OF DECEPTIVELY GINORMOUS BOULDERS WHICH ARE ALSO MAGNETIC AND (BECAUSE WHY NOT) EXPLODE FOR NO REASON JUST FOR ACCENT, and while thinking about the lovely disease-ridden cruise I took last year, I collect the fallen rat's RAT HAT.

Zach

**RI'S INV:**VERY POSH BUNNY(1)
You fire the ARROW OF DGBWAAMA(BWN)EFNRJFA at the last DASTARDLY SCHEMING RAT, and the arrow spawns two large boulders in front of and behind him. They suddenly come together, crushing him. Then they explode. The blast ignores you, but pierces the FRENCH DASTARDLY RAT's chest.
"MON DIEUR,"he cries out, before collapsing onto the ground.
You collect all three RAT HATS and begin to DANCE to your victory song.
**QUEST:**TQWYHTSR (4/11)

OOC: Pen, you may hop in

A new player joins the game!

Name-
Miraculous Happenstance
Class-
Giant moth
Personality-
Fluffy
Description-
A fluffy grey and brown moth the size of a large cat
Possessions-
A cape made from a child's blanket with a small pocket in the middle of his back

The huge moth flutters down from the ceiling of the basement and lands on Righteous Indignation's head, folding its wing and feelers around him to make a DELIGHTFUL HEADPIECE.

Miraculous Happenstance has been given FAIRY WAND, BLANKET OF CHILDISH JOY and CROWN OF MOTH.
FAIRY WAND- Magical stick to beat people's heads in (or heal)
BLANKET OF CHILDISH JOY- Enchanted blanket with the power to create a temporary "energy" shield once per battle
CROWN OF MOTH- Crown made of paper, feathers, and leaves. It boosts your magical abilities one-and-a-halffold

(OOC: I'm absolutely terrified of giant moths in actuality, but he seems fluffy enough, like my cat.  :P)

I take the fact that Miraculous Happenstance has landed upon my head as a sign I will receive great fortunes (As in the Indignation clan, moths are regarded as our creators.) Thus, I conjure a BURNING ARROW OF SACRIFICIAL SACRIFICE TO THE GREAT MOTH GOD THAT SOMEHOW WILL ALSO INCLUDE A BUNNY, and mount my VERY POSH BUNNY upon the tip of the new arrow.

Zach

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